He lit a candle and opened the White Book to his own page.

[…]
When he was done, more than three-quarters of his page still remained to be filled […] He could write whatever he chose, henceforth.
Whatever he chose…

-A Song of Ice and Fire: A Feast for Crows

This is the procedure

Humbly assembling, though not insisting if unwilled, what had long ago been torn asunder by the sufficiencies of strength and glory to compose the mundanities of the impermanent and soon to decay gastrocolic frivolities based on the words of the experienced though fallible author upon his honoured appointment of duties: A Cookbook

Cleanse deeply that with which the rite will soon require and purge the decay and transgression until free of taint and pleasing to the eye. Then grasp firmly the elliptical pallid spawn, plucked from bed of straw and rump of fowl who’s sacrifice shall be recompensed in form akin to ancestral rite, and strike it with vigour and holy strength upon the rim of the sanctified hollow until such time that a great fissure ruptures forth and the pale divided remains are rendered naught but empty. Collect the sacred fluid, both golden and without colour, within the hollow. Discard the husk, taking care to assure that none remain to sully the hollow, and cast them out and away from innocent sight. Next, lift high to the heavens the blessed container of rich, fatty liquid taken from creature clean of flesh and cloven of foot set aside for this purpose and separate the amount which shall fill a single cup and no more. Take this measure to be added into the hollow and be so united with the sacred yolk. Return the remainder so as to avoid spoiling.

When the previous rites are secure, gaze upon the second consecrated vessel and contemplate the emptiness it contains. Add together within this vessel the remaining elements that have as yet known the refreshing cleanse of moisture: the crushed grain grown in the fields on which reverence is placed that it may subsume the heavenly beams that we may then consume; the powder that will make the creation rise and rise, if ever slightly, towards the world above; and the brown sand that contains sweetness said to serve as reminder of the blessings in life and add by measure a single cup of the former, two palms of the central, and three palms of the latter. Once the thirsty, arid triumvirate are assembled as one in the consecrated vessel, scatter fully the contents over the sanctified hollow so both dry and liquid shall be united in body and form.

Next attend to the mass of rich fatty paste taken from creature clean of flesh and cloven of foot set aside for this purpose and hew two palms for immediate use and return the remainder so as to avoid spoiling. Take up the two palms worth of paste and heat them lightly in the righteous flame before casting them as one into the sanctified hollow among the dry and the liquid. Mix well.

Finally, take up the sacred hollow containing the soft yielding creation and measure out an amount fit to fill one fourth of a single cup. Pour this measure upon the flaming metal of middling intensity to form a sacred and venerable disk and wait, ever vigilant. Continue to cast an unwavering gaze upon the disk and upturn the holy round before the transient ephemeral bubbles rise and escape, thus ruining a once grand and holy shape. Commit this task and rite with pride. Cook evenly till brown on either side.

Serve with syrup of the maple and berries of the vine.

Intercepted Documents [PDF]

(~5 pages)

Then something astonishing happened.

‘One day, early in the morning, thin columns of white smoke were seen to be coming out of the tops of the tall chimneys of the factory! People in the town stopped and stared. “What’s going on?” they cried. “Someone’s lit the furnaces! Mr Wonka must be opening up again!” They ran to the gates, expecting to see them wide open and Mr Wonka standing there to welcome his workers back.
‘But no! The great iron gates were still locked and chained as securely as ever, and Mr Wonka was nowhere to be seen.

-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Where has Time gone?

I can’t believe that in just a few minutes it will be August.

Summer is almost over. I had my penultimate creative writing class at Langara today and I didn’t realize it until an hour before getting on the bus. SummerCon is done, the school term is almost done, and my birthday has passed.

This year’s Summer Conference was fun albeit shorter than I would have liked. I hadn’t felt like I needed (or really wanted) to get up early in a while, and it was nice to have that happen again. And I’m talking six-a.m. early. Four-hours-of-sleep early. I really liked the structure and the scheduling; I haven’t had a proper time table in a long time, nor a sensible mealtime. You know how when you leave a computer on for a long time and it starts wigging out? The Summer Conferences are always a good Reset button for me, and this year was no different.

My birthday was also nice. It overlapped with the last day of the conference, so I got to share it with a bunch of people. On the ride home we raced along an interstate, stopped at a burger joint that had computerized soda machines, and found a much faster boarder crossing than the one we were going to use. But the magic of the Summer Con wore off sooner than I would have liked, and soon it was back to my normal life. When I got home, I had a 10 minute birthday party wherein my grandpa took seven pictures (my cousin and I, my aunt my cousin and I, my grandpa and I, and a couple of me with the cake), and I took a slice up to my room to eat. I was also underwhelmed by the presents my parents got me. (I know that sounded terribly first-world problem-ish, but seriously, I got the-kind-of-socks-I-don’t-like, three shirts, a pair of shoes, and two boxes of Frosted Flakes. And, to be honest, I probably get the most use out of the cereal.)

Today was the penultimate session of my Creative Writing class, which was sad. However, I did find out that I got an A- on my second story and that the prof really really liked my contributions to the class. =]

The only capital-B big thing I can think of happening before summer ends is the Shalom Retreat which will be the last thing.

August is almost here.
Hello August.

Away

Hey guys,

I’ll be out of town from Friday afternoon (27th) till around Sunday afternoon (29th).
Y’know, in case anyone needs to know where I am this weekend.

-justin

Thoughts on: The Five Second Rule

I’ve been thinking, you know that whole Five Second Rule? Y’know, the one where, if a piece of food hits the ground, you have five seconds to pick it up before germs get to it or whatever? It’s one of those things where, if you start thinking about it for a while, it starts sounding silly.

But I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s more of a social contract than a sanitation thing. Hear me out, here.

A lot of the time that you eat, you eat with or around other people. Eating is sort of a social constant; everyone needs to eat, and everyone nearby will eat at *this* place (cafeteria, lunchroom, restaurant, etc). Now let’s say you’re at a fancy dinner party (let’s also say you’re in a time and place that has dinner parties). You reach for one of those cocktail weenies and it rolls off the tray onto the floor. You want to both eat it and not leave food on the floor, but you don’t want the hoity toity dinner guests to see you eat something off the floor.

My theory is that the Five Second Rule is actually something more along the lines of ‘you have five seconds to pick this up before someone realizes it was on the floor’.

What do you guys think?

Bonsai 2012

Hey guys, remember Gilbert? (I named him Gilbert, by the way). Look how big he’s gotten!

 

About 70% of that was from the start of summer. I was sort of worrying he was dying, but then I remembered that trees are, y’know, seasonal and then summer hit and BAM! Gilbert went all Day of the Triffids.

They grow up so fast.

An Abundance of Characters

The short story I need to critique is 2,400 words long and has 22 named characters. Of them, one is named Kate, one Katherine, and one named Kathy. I really want to make an Abundance of Katherines joke, but I’m out of wordspace. =(

Seriously guys, that’s a bit under one new name every 110 words.

Post #456

I have work almost every day this week.
On top of that, I have my story due on Tuesday the 12th.
On top of that, I am unable to join in the annual Shalom hike up The Chief that I was so excited about this Saturday, because I have to go to a family thing (on the same day at the same time) instead.
On top of that, the Shalom meeting that was supposed to happen the day after might have to be rescheduled because there might maybe be another family thing.
On top of that, a lot of the high school kids are out now, so a lot of the stuff I wanted to do and the places I wanted to go are going to be a lot more crowded.

But, there is that Stanley Park YouTube thing on the 18th that I’m still excited about. Again, it would be a lot more awesome if I didn’t have to go to the thing alone. Anyone want to come?