Hello faithful readers! I was looking over my previous posts and noticed that most of the stories I’ve written have very sad depressing endings. Whether it’s about evil clowns, a scientist being hunted by his creation, being trapped in an underground bunker, being in a strange unsettling town, a commentary on human stagnation, or a group of people facing a monster my stories tend not to have happy endings. One story even had a man jumping off a building while another was about a serial arsonist movie theater. So, what with summer ’09 nearing its end, I thought that my adoring fans would like some cheering up! Here are some of my stories rewritten with happy endings. I even made some of the titles more cheerful.
Warning: Spoilers!
Escape
As I sit and eat my delicious meal, I look at the big heavy doors separating us from the outside world. Even if the doors weren’t locked, it would take us two months to open them. Suddenly, all the doors open and then we leave.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
My family went to a zoo and saw a bunch of animals. Also, I’m an alien.
It’s A Wallaby
I’m a scientist. I made a wallaby. It escaped. Oh, look. There it is. I found it. It’s cute.
Happy Happy Happy
Howdy, happy habitué!
How have you been?
Have you happened to have the honour to harken the hilarious harlequin
Who has hardly had harm or harassment harden his heart?
You have not?
Alright.
Hi, I’m Not Benjamin Button
I’m 37.
Hey look! Now I’m 30!
Hey look! Now I’m 27 and it’s Christmas!
Hey look! Now I’m 25 and I own a business!
Hey look! Now I’m 24 and with a son!
Hey look! Now I’m 23 and getting married!
Hey look! Now I’m 22 and I’m proposing!
Hey look! Now I’m 16 and I’m having a picnic!
Hey look! Now I’m 5, and it’s that girl I end up marrying!
Not a Vampire Attack
Oh no! It’s a Vampire attack! Oh, wait. Never mind.
The Movies
I’m a movie theater. I play movies. Movies are good. I’m also fireproof, so that’s good too.
Regularsville
I am in a town that is normal in absolutely every single possible way. It’s not weird at all! Also, this story hasn’t been released yet! Yay, sneak peek!
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